From vanvilke@mail.freenet.hut.fi Sat Aug 12 16:39:17 EDT 1995
Article: 42632 of alt.stupidity
From: vanvilke@mail.freenet.hut.fi (Jake Van Vilken)
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: The truth about picard

Outstanding life of THE pirard


THis is the starship USS PICARD in the mission ,.. blah blah.

PIcard: DAMN .. I hate this part ..

blah blah ... to baldly go where no PICARD has gone before ..

EpISODE : Troubles inside the PICARD!

Picard: captains personal log , stardate what ever blah blah. I don't care , cuz there is definitely something wrong with that goddamn holodeck. Last time I used that "Bitch sucking dick" - program , well, my dick kinda ....

Door: Pssstt ..

Picard: CAN YOU KNOCK ON MY DOOR JUST ONCE, DAMN YOU NUMBER ONE .

One: We need you on the bridge. There's somekind of white ooze lying on your chair. It's been there since you watched "PLAYBOY'S LATE NIGHT SHOW" on THE screen ..

Door: Pssttt ..

Picard: engage!

Picard's Finger : Flip .. (very relaxed movement)

Director: DAMN YOU PICARD! We're not on that part yet..

Picard: I am THE PICARD! I do what I like .. And this certainly a good place for my favourite song

(Gene Rodgen-whatever rolls in his grave)

Picard: Could you please, my dear friend WOrf sing me that song?

WOrf: BUT captain! I do NOT like that song at all. And this is a matter of HONOUR!

Picard: I AM THE CAPTAIN AND IT is my favorite song. AND I WANT TO HEAR IT NOW .. OR ELSE

Word: or else what?

Picard: You will be assimilated too, my good man .

Worf: It seems like my name is not been written right. DAmn you PICARD! Your gonna pay for this!

Picard: It's good day to die ..

Worf: DAMN YOU, DAMN You! That is MY LINE!!

Picard: Yes! I know, And the day is not over yet ...

WOrf: YOUUUUR GONNA PAY FOR THIS PICARD!

Picard: SING IT OR DIE !! PZZST PZZST

Worf: FOr god shake Picard, I AM A K L I N G O N ! Not a showgirl ..

Picard: Very well, Worf, I will sing it personally in my READY ROOM!! NUMBER ONE! The bridge is yours ...

TurboLift with the doctor says psss .. I would like to be called "turbo motion promoter"

Door: psst .. if the turbolift gets that I wanna be "movable barrier"

Computer: The doctor is now on the bridge.

DOctor: There's a danger on board. Captain and Worf are in tantrum.

Geordi: Oh man, Is that some kind of jolting tunnel?

Data: My research has revealed that Tantrum is not a jolting tunnel.

Counsellor: There's a feeling I get .. that it's a bad, bad thing. Like the Evil wolf in "Little Red riding-Hood"

DAta: By the way damned picard! WHy will you not give my positronic brains a change and give the goddamn bridge to me.

Number one: Cuz I am the number one! and I get all the chicks and kicks . and dicks and kids ..

Doctor: DAMN! The tantrum has swallowed us all! Let my teenager solve this problem ..

Crusher puppy: Wuh wuh ..

Doctor: That's a good boy. Case Solved. Let's have a party!

Picard: I wanna have a baby too. But my dick has been sliced by the holodeck's nude program.

Worf: DAMN YOU PICARD, This is not a adult show ..

Worf: well, it doesn't matter anymore because the day is such a cock so i will sing us the beutiful song ..

Worf: LAlalalaaa ..

Picard: IT IS "G" not a Fmaj 13 sus 5

Worf: damn you picard ,. hgmpf mrmmfg.f. .

Worf: Satan saves
Worf: -----------

Worf: G Satan F says F F
Worf: G Jesus F rules G# NOT! G#
Worf,Captain: Jesus says
Worf,Captain: Satan is a .. Butt!
Worf,Captain,Data: Satan says
Worf,Captain,Data: I am .. NOT!
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor: Jesus says ..
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor: You are HOT!
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk: Em Satan SAves G# Boobs
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk: Satan Saves
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: Satan saves .. Booze
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: Satan Saves .. in deed..
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: Em I Repeat, F I repeat, G I repeat
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: G# Until I hear a beep!
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: I Repeat, I repeat, I repeat
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: Until I hear a beep!
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: I Repeat, I repeat, I repeat
Worf,Captain,Data,Doctor,Kirk,Micky Mouse: Until I hear a beep!
Computer: Fmaj 13 BEEP
Sorry captain, but i could not take it anymore.

Data: This indicates to ancient religions called "black heavy metal - we are so damn tough guys - religion" down on the earth.

Picard: Shut up my dear friend data pencil dick!

Data: Even though i cannot be offensed, my dick is certainly bigger than your sliced one.

Director: This episode sucks! IT needs some spice. I think I have the perfect turning-point to this episode.

The zombie of TAsha Yar foams through the starship. singing ..

Tasha Yar : damn you picard, damn your unborn kids, damn you, and damn it all, damn your USS Picard, and damn your crew ..

Geordi: Oh man, We have some kind of UNDEAD walking around the ship...

Picard: REd Alert!!

Worf: I CANNOT TAKE IT NO MORE!!!!!! IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, I WILL BE IN HOLODECK 3 WATCHING NAKED 3d INDIANS AND PLAYING THE VERY BEST EXCERCISING PROGRAM CALLED "ARENAS" WHILE MASTURBATING ..

Picard: I hope your dick will be assimilated too ..

Picard shakes his fist at Worf!!

Director: While you masturbate, Worf, we have just enough time for commercials.


 
//
      (( Autho - Mobhail )) 
                     - ____           /------
        -____  ---               
                        ___     
   ---        ---                 
                                       
                         //                  
                   _____/    /                
                                              
                                             /
  AUTOMOBILE - ARENAS         _____________/
  -------------------
 
  It's finally here, after long fucking waiting !!
  2-3 player playable violent crash - boom - bAng game "
                      - - - -
  Download it NOW  --- >>> from:
  wuarchive.wustl.edu/pub/msdos_uploads/games/Automobile_Arenas
 
  -// PEACE 'n' LOVE / - JakE Van Vilkken - MooniE //-
 
    (fan mail to "vanvilke@freenet.hut.fi")                

PRoducter: This advertisement has improved the IMAGO of A-arenas. The right commercial for the right spot ..

Scotty: I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT THE RIGHT TOOL IS RIGHT FOR THE RIGHT JOB.. (With a terrible accent) DID I GET IT RIGHT?

Picard: You might be right but you are in wrong serial! THis is MINE! My ship, my tools, my rights to say stupid cliches .... and my sliced dick and stuff..

DIrector: Just say the line, Picard.

Picard: I AM NOT A ONE LINE CHARACTER. I WON'T SAY IT!

Data: There is obviously a salary quarrel between director and pirard. Can I suggest a pride for Mr.Picard.

Director: That's a DAMN good idea! Have the latest "BONDAGE LIFE" magazine, Picard ..

Picard: Engage.


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