THE CINEMATIC GENIUS OF GERARD FRANCIS THURSTON
Gerard Francis Thurston is a cinematic genius waaay ahead of his time. Nobody
has ever realized his true potential. His first movie, "Sectourette", was
about a secretary afflicted with Tourette's Syndrome. The follow-up,
"The Brain That Ate Me", wasn't such a box-office smash, but then
"Priestourette" was a great hit, probably due to the same formula that Thurston
followed in "Sectourette"... (the "Sermon on the Mount" scene is a classic of
modern cinema.) Then came "Nobody Knows That Dog", which featured Thurston's
first wife in a role as a prostitute who liked to tape her sexual experiences
on TDK tape and play them back for the priest in "Priestourette".
Thurston's major appeal was his utter lack of any restraint or joy in most of
his pieces. He prided himself on being so deep he was even more depressed than
Morrissey. (and that ain't an easy task.) Somebody is licking my ear so I
must pause for a few seconds to enjoy it.
I think I almost came during that. Back to Thurston. He had been so proud
to be so depressing, well, that it wasn't too long before they discovered
that, under the pseudonym "Slappy Gooboo" had directed the entire slate of
the "Happy King" movies...
- The Happy King
- The Happy King goes to Sadland
- The Happy King Meets Barney
- The Happy King Gets a Harem
- The Happy King Gets Crabs
- The Happy King and the Bad Clams
- The Happy King Testifies before a Senate Sub-Committee
- The Happy King Rooms with the Real World 5 People
- The Happy King Smokes Banana Peels and Gets Happy
- The Happy King Unplugged
After Thurston was faced with these accusations, he did what any normal
human being would do: He emphatically denied all connections between himself
and Slappy Gooboo. But, later he apologized for lying and announced
plans for his next movie: The Happy King Gets Cancer.
Thurston is now in post-production on his latest film, The Happy King
Returns from Hell.
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